Excuse My Charisma.

To the beautiful boy.

Today I sat in a cafe and thought as I would. And there I met a boy from cali with a bright blue hoodie which matched his eyes. And pretty tan skin, like that of an early sunrise.

It’s odd i suppose that I didn’t want him near. I mean I even called him a ‘dear’.

I turned my eyes as he sat at my table. I couldn’t look, I simply wasn’t able.

Yeah, true. You’re a beautiful boy. I suppose I should swoon. I met you in a the breakfast bar just before noon.

I was sitting there. Alone. In a crowded cafe. I sat in a cafe and thought as I would.

I stared at my phone to appear preoccupied, and stuffed down the oatmeal like it was good. And just sat in a cafe and thought as I would.

You looked at me funny, as my nose was all runny and told me a pretty girl shouldn’t be so sad. I found it kinda funny, so I laughed like a dummy,Which gave you the impression I was interested in your company.

Which was quite not true, you see. I just wanted to be alone with my brown oatmeal, my mind, and something to see.

I wanted see to a world of wonder. And joy and life. I came to New York but what of when I leave it all behind? Go back to the mundane, boring routines. Of classes, work, and having to clean up my life?

And as I sat in a cafe and thought as I would, you came by me and said some words.

But I don’t want you, or any beautiful boy. To save me, nor praise me, or tell me I am life.

It was interested for a splitsecond. But then former problems overwelled my conciousness, and I wanted to be alone once more. So I just sat in a cafe and thought as I would.

I peered through that door once, to be horrified. It seemed so innocent, and full of good intent. I mean, a boy and a girl, what more could it have ment?

Ha, but I know. This I do. For nothing that appears so easy is worth an honest pursuit. And so I sat in a cafe and thought as I would.

I’m sure you, beautiful boy, are full of ego, arrogance, lust, and greed, superficial by all means. So I tell myself these things to justify what words formed on my lips next. As I sat in a cafe and thought as I would.

“Dear, its such a pity that you would even care or be so sweet and witty. But I much prefer the way life is.

You see I woke up this morning and you were never in my plan.

So as beautiful as you might be, its clear you can see. I’m quite content, alone. Just me.”

And I looked down at my soggy brown oatmeal, and started to type away on my phone this poem. On queue, the beautiful boy walked away. This is just a short letter to let no one in particular know: I met a beautiful boy who I sent walking home. And I sat in a cafe and thought as I would.

Perhaps he was full of humility, genuine, selfless, wore no mask. Was who he appeared, beautiful inside as well. But I laughed. The notion was silly. And so I sat in a cafe and thought as I would.

So goodbye beautiful boy. I hope you didn’t mind. I’m sure that’s the first time you’ve been turned down in a very long time. Boys are to much trouble I’m sorry that its true. Maybe in a century or so I may change my mind for you. But for now, and for a very long time. I just rather sit here, alone and think.

And so I did, sat in a cafe and thought as I would.